Semi-Sweet 16

As of yesterday I am officially 16!!!
Who wouldnt be excited?
ME.
The truth is, I'm terrified
Growing up makes me think of having to graduate soon, and moving out soon, and being on my own. And, when I think of being alone, it makes me think of my eating disorder. It makes it so easy to give into when I'm by myself.
For the past month in a half, Ive been struggling very much with my ED. Things in my life are crazy stressful right now, and i've been doing badly with using ED as a coping method.
Even on my birthday, all I had all day was a conflict with my ED. My family was going to go to Red Robin for a special birthday dinner and, at the last minute, I decided to go. And I'm so glad I did. I had a great time and I enjoyed the food. Though I wasnt able to finish all of it, I still consider it a great success! This was the first time I've challenged my ED in a long, long time, and it turned out even better than I imagined.

So, for everyone struggling with an ED, I encourage you to challenge him. Im not saying it's easy. But it's very much worth it.

"Dont let the sadness of your past and your fear of the future ruin the happiness of your present"



Beauty isn't a Number...

I stood in the Kohls dressing room.
The room next to me I overheard a woman complaining about how the size 9 jeans she was trying on were too tight and the sizes at this store are "messed up". She went on to say that she'd rather go to Old Navy so that she would fit into her usual 9. The woman could've easily gotten the next size up and bought the jeans here. It made me think,  how much numbers can mess with our heads.

When I arrived home, I did some research . I read an article about how many stylists who dress celebrities cut out the sizes in their clothing because they know that celebrity wont wear something that is over the size they think they are. It sounds ridiculous, how a little number on a piece of cloth can make or break someones' confidence and view of themselves.

For people with ED's it can be a nightmare shopping, especially for jeans or shorts. It's a big trigger for me and probably for you too.  I know that one day, once I get back to a healthier weight, I'm going to have to slip out of those size zeros.

Once I put ED aside and thought about the worst thing that could happen with having to go up in sizes someday, my mind went blank. The world isnt going to end. No one is going to die. Nothing would be different. It's just a pair of cloth. Each brand makes their sizes differently. Changing sizes wont change my, or anyone else's level of beauty.  Beauty is not defined in the size of your jeans or the number on the scale. Beauty is what people see inside you not on you.