Positive Post

 I thought I should make a more positive post, since the last post/video wasnt too positive. So, here it goes.  Ive been thinking about recovery alot today since I had a check-in appointment with my doctor from the center I was inpatient at. You know being in recovery sucks some times, but honestly there are these moments that make it all the more worth it.  Those times when I can jump on a trampoline with my brother and not feel like I'm gonna pass out, when I can play with a puppy and not be thinking about how fat my thighs are, or how many calories I had today,ect, ect...Recovery isnt about  being perfect!!! You dont wake up everyday with an amazing attitude or a great body-image. You will have your bad days, you may slip up. BUT ITS OK!!!! True recovery is about looking in the mirror on those days where you feel terrible,fat, hopeless, like you wanna give up and telling yourself "You got this!" "You are beautiful and strong and HEALTHY" Oh and yeah, "HEALTHY IS A GOOD THING!" its a great thing and Im not just talking about weight restoration which some people focus too much on, im talking about mentally being able to think more clearly. Its about when you're brain is nourished more to the point where you have a stronger grip over your thoughts and actions. So that when  the ED voice is picking at your brain you can tell him to F-OFF!. Because its a great feeling knowing Im not 24/7 consumed with my ED, always engaging in behaviors or planning on engaging in behaviors . I have time to be ME! Play with puppies, dance, laugh, smile, go shopping, go to school, swim, go on a trampoline, hang out with friends, draw...LIVE! No one can take those things away from me..especially not that scumbag ED!!!! 

When I looked into my doctors eyes I could see that he was proud of me. He was grinning from ear to ear.....He's proud of me, so many people there are proud of me, people outside of there. So many people believe I can get through this. If they can feel those things, whats wrong with me feeling them? I have to give myself some credit right? So much of the time I'm picking at myself at all the little things I mess up on, when I should be focusing on the things Im doing well.

"So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit, Its when things seem worst that you must not quit"