Who from?
Me, 8 months ago.
It was a letter I wrote to myself while in my first week in a partial-hospitalization.
I had to write what was going on in my life at that moment in time and what I hope to accomplish by the time I received the letter again.
My eyes filled with tears as I read through the letter...
Here are a few excerpts:
"I hope that by the time you read this I will be healthier, and enjoying a healthier lifestyle"
No and No.
"I hope that by the time I read this i'll be able to smile at my reflection in the mirror"
No
"I hope that things will be better at home"Not even close...
Not ONE of the things I'd hoped to happen has happened.
Not ONE.
Zero
And, it makes me think that maybe I'll never be able to have those things. Maybe I'll never reach a healthy weight. Maybe I'll never smile at my reflection. Maybe things at home will never get better. Maybe I'll never recover.
And I apologize,To my former self. The letter reminded me of a time when I felt hopeful, like there was a chance I could recover.
What happened to her?
I need to find her again.
I want to want recovery. But right now I dont. And I dont know how I can make myself want it again.
aww kassidy :( keep holding on! recovery is not something that can be achieved within the same amount of time for everybody. it took me a long time to begin gaining, but IT IS WORTH IT. have hope; for hope conquers all fears. do not dwell on the struggles of now, instead focus on the triumphs of tomorrow. i am here for you if you need anything (there might even be another letter coming your way!) :] i know you can do it, even if it hasn't shown up on the scale, you have come so far.
ReplyDelete“Life is all about timing... the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable... attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It's all about timing.”
The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It's the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.
Out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength.
It's never too late to be what you might have been.
<3 love you.
I am sorry that you feel like you haven't accomplished any of the things in your letter. What about the rest of the letter? Anything there, at all? Any improvements? Even the small steps forward are worth celebrating. I hope you can start to appreciate even the smallest feats.
ReplyDelete- Lindsey