"Hope is the thing with feathers.."

The wind rushes through my hair as the freshly cut grass prickles at my skin. I  hear a loud noise and I turn my head in its direction to see a bird. It's chirping jubilantly. It's wing is cut and it twitches as the bird arches into the ground and quickly emerge with a worm. It devours it and begins to fly off . After a few feet off the ground it collapses. The bird arises and wobbles hesitantly. It begins to try and take off again. It's body leaps into the air. This time it rises higher and higher, it's body trembling, and soon it is gone.

   Right now I am that bird. But I have yet to take another chance at flying. Instead, I stay to the ground. I am damaged. It feels much easier this way. It would be the same for the bird, to stay on the ground rather than fly back into the sky and take a chance at falling or risking further injury.
I'm scared. I admit it.
    Ive crawled back into my comfort zone, my ED. I feel like it's taken over once again. Im afraid to try and separate myself from my ED again. I'm afraid of what will happen in the future without it. I feel like it defines me, it supports me, it is me, or atleast, a part of me.  Right now, I don't want recovery. At all.
   But , recently Ive thought more about what happened to that bird. Yes, it may have fallen back down, but for that moment. It was free, it was beautiful. I haven't  felt free in years because of my ED. I want freedom and I hope this can serve as some sort of motivation for me to try and get back on track