I honestly dont know what to do anymore. Ive never hated myself this much or felt so hopeless my whole life. My anorexia keeps getting worse and worse, and has completely taken all control. I've gotten to the point where I cant even glance in a mirror without hearing "You're FAT!" or "Lose more weight!"
I recently had a dietitian appointment, and all she told me was she doesnt know what else to do, and I need more intense care.She told me she's worried about the condition of my physical and mental health right now. But honestly, Im not worried. Not one bit. Because, I honestly dont care what happens to me anymore. Im not strong enough to fight this disorder on my own. My mom is in the process of applying me for a scholarship to get me back full time at Remuda Ranch but, there's only about a 1 in a million chance i'd get in because thousands of people apply and only 2 scholarships are being given away.
I feel like my whole life has fallen apart.
I feel alone.
and depressed.
and I need help.
I cant do this.
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ReplyDeleteI think you had also had mentioned that you were going to apply to Renfrew too? Is that still possible?
ReplyDeleteLily, thank you for your reply but I dont think Mercy Ministries is a good place for me. Im not very religious and I think alot is focused on God. I think I would also benefit more in a more Inpatient type facility like Remuda Ranch. and a center that is just for eating disorders, not multiple disorders or illnesses. and Amanda Ive heard too many bad things about some people I know who went to Renfrew, and I really dont have any desire to even consider it at this point :/
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ReplyDeletethank you Lily. But,I think the best place for me right now would be Remuda Ranch. I only spent 10 days there due to insurance earlier, but I truly think if i was there longer it would've helped me.
ReplyDeleteim sending you love!!!
ReplyDeletehey kassidy, i go to your school and my girlfriend showed you my blog, this is ethan thomas by the way. i dont really feel like being anonymous because i want you to realize that this does actually have an impact on people. i dont understand what your going through, no one does but you, but there is nothing wrong with you and never let another persons opinion influence you. your your own person, and talking bad about someone or poking fun at someone is just that person imperfection, no one is perfect. i hope all is well and you get better. i know ive never even said a word to you before, i dont even know if you know who i am, but regardless everything will get better with determination and will power, and remember, never let someone influence your opinion on yourself.
ReplyDeletewow. thank you so much
ReplyDeleteHey darling. I found you on formspring through a friend and I just wanted to tell you NOT TO GIVE UP JUST YET! Hang in there and I promise, even if it takes a long time- things will work themselves out and you will get better. Also, I dont know how much or if you could afford out of pocket, but there is an amazing treatment center in Manitoba Canada called Westwind and its the cheapest in North America at 7000$ a month no taxes. Im sure that doesnt really help out that much, Im trying to raise money so I can go in right now. In any matter, sending love your way and if you ever need... email me at veritykae@gmail.com.
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