"So you don't care about any of us?"My brother asked as the rest of my family stared up at my father who was peering in the opposite direction.
"I don't care anymore" My dad replied hastily as he left the room.
I held my younger brother as he began to cry."It's going to be OK" I told him repeatedly. My other siblings sat in awe. 'What now?' I thought.
I held my younger brother as he began to cry."It's going to be OK" I told him repeatedly. My other siblings sat in awe. 'What now?' I thought.
There are no words to describe the disaster that occurred in my house last night. It feels like every possible thing that could go wrong in a household has gone wrong. Anorexia, body-distortion disorder, self-injury, depression, issues from sexuality, money problems/debt, verbal abuse, anger issues, victims of bullying, self-esteem issues, perfectionism..and much more.
A big trigger for me is feeling unsafe. I use my eating disorder to help me feel safe, it acts as a safety blanket. And last night, I felt anything but safe. And still do.
Since then, I've really been trying to use my coping skills, and they've been working pretty well but I still feel very uneasy and anxious about everything
And to top it all off, my mom mentioned to me again that she may have to put me in inpatient for a second time. This actually surprised me.Lately I have been following my meal plan much more than ever before, but I know that I can do better. I really have to prove myself worthy of recovery at home.
"The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most
Just gotta keep going"- The Climb. Miley Cyrus
Thanks for sharing this girl! I know how hard this stuff can be. Almost all of that happens in my house too. I'm here for you no matter what, just a text away ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry things are so rough. I can really relate. Im always here if you need to talk. I believe in you and your ability to do this at home. Keep fighting baby doll, and hold your head up high...you are strong and beautiful <3<3
ReplyDeletethank you <3
ReplyDeleteLife isn't as fair as I first thought. We all have family problems, I can't really think of anyone who does not struggle with family. I only know I must take care of myself amidst all the turmoil, hurt feelings, and insecurity. Hang in there and thank you for sharing.Take care of you, Kass. WE CARE!
ReplyDelete~L