I stand. In a crowded mall. Surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of people. Yet, I feel so alone. I shuffle into an open store and search through the racks and racks of clothes. Sizes. Large, Medium, and even Smalls.. I need to find the extra small, the 00. And there isn't anything..I leave the store with nothing...
It's amazing how I can see the sizing as ExtraSmall, yet see myself as being a Large. I know that this is how it is for other people struggling with anorexia as well. I feel like the number is lying to me, like it was a misprint for the sizing, or so ED tells me...
I guess the good thing I can take out of this experience is motivation. Motivation to gain weight, and get healthy, and beat ED and fit into all those cute clothes.
"Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced."
I am quite confident that you'll beat ED some day. You are really too thin, and yes, I know the feeling you get - "how is this a size XS, it looks huge, especially on me!" - but you'll get the more and more support as you try your best to beat this disorder every day, and with more confidence and faith in yourself, you'll gain the weight necessary to rock those clothes with lesser fear. I say "rock" because when you have faith in yourself, your self-confidence increases, and you'll see that you're a wonderful person no matter how many pounds you gain. You'll never be fat, just healthy. I know you can beat this. Remember how much your friends are sure that you will and how much you want to get out of that deep pit of sadness. <3
ReplyDeleteThat quote is beautiful. :)
thank you so much!!! :) <3
ReplyDeleteI feel this way alot. It's a big part of my motivation to get healthy. I'm sick of the stares and knowing how unhealthy I look even if I don't feel that way
ReplyDelete